Divorce is traumatic and disruptive to everyone in the family. For children, this event has the potential to be particularly difficult. Children, overall, do not handle divorce well. Children are expected to form strong attachments to both parents, to the notion of a strong family unit, as well as, the notion of two parents together in one home. Divorce involves the collapse of many ingrained social expectations for the child. Deep inside, most children, no matter how tough they may seem to be, may become frightened, confused, insecure, vulnerable, hurt, depressed, overwhelmed, angry, and conflicted in their emotions toward each of the parents.

Statistics show that approximately one out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and a large portion of these families include children. Many parents get worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children. Parents may also erroneously convince themselves that "their child" will be just fine or will quickly adjust. This type of thinking usually occurs when the parent becomes too preoccupied with their own issues to notice what is going on with the child. Unfortunately, sometimes children will sense the parents need for them to be well adjusted to the divorce, and, therefore, will actually pretend to adjust. Usually these children will hide their distress in an attempt to protect their parents. The child’s true emotions may not manifest themselves for months, or sometimes years.

Did You Know?

• Children will adjust more easily to crisis and loss if their parents work together to develop healthy communication, methods to resolve problems and reduce conflict.
• Children thrive the best when they have routines and consistency in their lives
• If one parent puts down the other parent, in the eyes of the child, it is as if that parent is putting down the child.
• Children whose parents are involved in conflict over issues dealing with the children can experience anger, anxiety, depression or developmental delays.
• Children at certain ages do not have the cognitive ability to process divorce the same way parents do. They may fear the loss of one parent.

Divorce makes kids feel alone. A divorce support group can show them that they have a new connection with others, that they are not alone. Spending time with other family members can be very beneficial for children (aunts, uncles, grandparents).

In many divorce situations, kids end up getting to exercise control where they really shouldn’t.

Studies show children handle divorce better if they have a neutral third party to speak with.

Potential Dangers of Not Addressing Children and Divorce Proactively:

• Children may believe they caused the divorce. They may try to bring their parents back together.
• They may try to bring parents back together by acting out in an attempt to force the parents back together.
• Others may try to act perfect in attempt to be so good that the parents will not need to get a divorce.
• Some children may become more aggressive, angry, oppositional, defiant, uncooperative.
• Some will withdraw or isolate themselves from family members or friends.
• Some children may show strong signs of being depressed or exhibit deep sadness.
• There may be a significant decrease in their grades
• They also may have behavior problems in school.
• They may stop eating or start overeating.
• Some teenagers might start abusing substances like drugs or alcohol.
• Some teenagers and adults, who are children of a divorce may have trouble with their own relationships and experience problems with self-esteem.

Please consider……

• Continuously asking yourself “is my behavior helping or hurting my child?”
• Contacting LifeThreads at 303/284-3441 to discuss how we can proactively assist your family through this transition.